In Alien Arms
by Etienne D'Artagnan, futuristic (2008)
Liquid Silver Books, $4.75, ISBN 978-1-59578-498-8


It could be worse, really. This novella could have been called In Alien Tentacles.

Dessah Ssyn ("assassin", get it?) the, er, assassin of sorts is a Ke Mira ("chimera" - the author is so witty, don't you think?) alien from another planet. When the story opens, he has arrived on Earth under the order of his boss to execute some alien named Chak Enif who had been selling drugs and killing folks in the meantime. Like all aliens in this type of story, Dessah needs to have plenty of sex in six days because of some hormonal thing in his system. You'd think it's better to carry out a mission after he has shagged his brain out, but if that is the case, then there would be no threesome sex scenes and everyone would be screaming for a refund from the author.

His Earth contact is Federal Marshal Nevada Cisco. He and Dessah will have to protect Sophie Gibson, the chief witness whose life is now in danger thanks to Chak Enif knowing her identity. The villains in this story are classic incompetent twits from screwball comedies. For example, they will call up Sophie (who is in the company of Dessah and Nevada) just to tell her that she will die soon. But hey, if these assassins are competent rather than dim-witted goons who show up conveniently only after the shagpile is done with, our threesome won't have time to play the two-blokes one-chick game in the bedroom. I suppose logic will have to give so that everyone can have their fun.

This story with its flimsy pretense at a plot still won't be so bad if the author hasn't chosen to have the story told from the first person point of view of Dessah and Sophie and end up causing those two to sound exactly like the same person. Then there are the annoying names in the story. Some readers may find the names like Dessah Ssyn charming and funny, but for me it's like having to sit through and politely smile at an awful joke.

This story could be worse. Then again, it could have been so much better as well.

Rating: 54


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