Frequently Asked Questions

Let’s talk about the website

What is this place?

This website features reviews of books, movies, music, and other stuff, all written and (badly) edited by yours truly here. We reserve the right to update this site whenever our schedule permits, and our opinions are 100% correct as far as we are concerned because, strangely enough, we’ve never disagreed with a thing we’ve said. If you disagree with anything, you can let us know, but we can’t promise we’d care. If you don’t like our tone, tough. Go eat a cookie and find another place online that’s more to your liking.


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Let’s talk about the reviews

What are oogies?

oogie-1oogie-2oogie-3oogie-4oogie-5
Oogies are the above smiley faces used to denote the score of the item reviewed, of course. With WordPress, the best way to categorize things by rating is to use the “1 to 5” system; anything else would complicate things. But hearts, bananas, stars, and what not are so boring, so why not smiley faces? 5 oogies are for what we consider the best, while 1 oogie is for those best left unsaid and forgotten, naturally.

Why even have scores?

Because people like the idea of scores, it helps them decide at a glance whether they want to click on the link and read.

What makes you so qualified to review things?

We have great taste.

Where are the trigger warnings?

You are an adult. You don’t need strangers to hold your hands and shield you from horrible things in this world. If just reading certain words causes you to become traumatized, please do yourself a favor and check yourself into a psychiatric ward for proper medical evaluation.

Rude.

Good.

Where’s the FTC disclosure?

We are not American, so we can’t be bothered to make any official disclosure. But we spend money on almost all of the things reviewed here. Some authors occasionally send things over, but they usually stop after reading the reviews of those books.

Then how do I know that I can trust you?

It’s hard, we know, especially when this website is full of promotional materials and advertisements… oh, wait. We’re afraid you have to use your discretion, dear.

Why you gotta be so rude?

We hate that song.

It’s so obvious that you are a bitter, failed author.

How do you know that we are not bestselling authors? Think about that.

You are breaking hearts and crushing dreams!

Perfect. It’s all part of our plan to conquer the world and make every hot guy our slave.

You should not be doing this!

Nag nag nag...


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What authors ask

Can you review my stuff?

We can only entertain requests if you are willing to provide a print copy to an address in Malaysia. Sorry, we have too many ebooks to catch up on. If you can supply a print copy, drop us a note. All other emails of this nature, especially generic ones asking us to review poetry and books on quack treatments, will be deleted with extreme prejudice.

Can you also put your reviews on Goodreads?

No, that place is boring.

If not Goodreads, how about Twitter?

Boring.

BookLikes?

No.

But I don’t want to keep coming back here!

Too bad the world doesn’t revolve around you.

And your fabulous review won’t help my sales if it’s not on Amazon!

You’re not sharing your money with us, are you? No? Then why should we bother to deal with Amazon’s annoying review platform?

How do I advertise or get interviewed on your website?

We’d love to take your money, but we don’t have the time or energy to do these things. The focus on this website isn’t on promotion anyway.

Can you tell me how to get my book published?

No, we are not affiliated with anyone in the publishing industry, and we are not mean enough to lie to you.

How about you critique my unpublished work instead?

No. We barely have time to read published books.

But I’ll pay you!

You are going to get scammed by some unscrupulous loser if you keep being this way. Keep your money, don’t give it away so easily.

If I tell you a secret, will you tell everyone that I told?

Confidentiality is a given, so don’t fret about us blabbing to other people what you have told us.


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Miscellaneous questions
Alright, who are you?

Who’s asking?

Come on, I think I like you.

Thank you.

Let’s meet up.

We’d rather spend our money on something else.

But we’ll be great together!

We’re happy with our current level of greatness.

You’ll adore me.

You should try one of those hook-up apps that let you touch another human being. For free!

But…

Goodbye.

Still…

Goodbye.